Finding God....again

I've never really been what some people might call a bible-thumper.  I have always believed in God; that was never an issue.  The issue was that I would only seek Him when I needed something.  If I was in a bad spot, I would talk to Him; if something wasn't going my way, I would pray for a change.  I would receive an answer sometimes, but mostly it was not the one I wanted. 


When Tommy and I received full custody of his two girls in May '11, I immediately turned my head right up to the sky.  I was praying like I've never prayed before.  I talked to God morning and night; and often a few times in between.  Going from one to three kids is quite the change; adding a daddy that is never home makes it that much harder.  I was fighting a battle I didn't know how to handle.  I wanted to be everything for the kids, but didn't know how to do it right.  So, I prayed.  I prayed for strength.  I prayed for knowledge.  I prayed for success.  I prayed for patience.  I prayed for love.  I prayed for just about anything I could think of that would lead me in the right direction with my family.  Now, by no means is this road over, (at least not until 2024 when the baby leaves...but who's counting?!), and in no way am I saying this is easy, but having the Lord on my side has put such peace and rest within my soul that I feel like raising my babies and taking care of my family is a cakewalk.  Sure, it is definitely difficult at times, but I always have the strength to pull through and come out right side up.


Seeing how God had helped me in that area, I have continued my search to allow Him to be a part of my entire being.  God has become my best friend.  I tell him everything; even the things I would be embarrassed to say to my mother.  In speaking to him, I have learned to pray for others around me.  My happiness is based on the happiness and success of my family and friends.  I have noticed as I learn to pray not out of selfishness for my own gains, but for the success of others, I hear a louder response.  Tommy was laid off three months ago.  He had not received one phone call about a job opportunity in over a month and a half.  He was depressed (sorry boo for putting you on blast, but I'm trying to make a point here!).  It was affecting our relationship and the relationship of him and the children.  Nothing major, but everyone could definitely sense a bit of tension.  See, Tommy's like one of the toys in  the stores that have a button that says push to play.  He's not meant to sit on the shelf all day.  He likes to work.  He has a strong work ethic and an even stronger ethic to provide for his family.  Not being able to help or contribute really pushed him into a dark place. 

So what did I do?  I prayed for him.  For his strength.  For patience to make it through to the next opportunity God would provide.  For the confidence that he would be somewhere soon.  The next day he had two recruiters fighting over him for an interview.  A week later, the Astros called him for an interview.  So, I thanked God for the opportunities he was presenting, and I prayed for him wrap himself around Tommy and guide him to the right path that he wanted him to be on.  It turned out that the job prospects, though great, ended up being dead ends.  Then a few days later he gets a call from a staffing agency that says they have a position for him to interview for; it doesn't sound great, but we are going on three months now, so anything will do.  Tommy glumly goes into the interview, finds out it is completely different than what the staffing agency explained and turns out to be a great opportunity for him, so comes out all smiles.  He is called two hours after the interview to hire on as a working interview for a few days with a very strong possibility of a full-time hire in a salary position!  God closed the other doors because he knew that this opportunity was available for him.  Unbelievable!

To put this into further prospective; I do a five finger prayer every morning.  One for myself, one for Tommy, one for the kids, one for family, and one for friends.  Last week, I had a blow out on the freeway; literally spun around matrix style on the freeway, barely missing about four vehicles doing 65 mph...and the wall.  We somehow ended up pointed in the right direction safely on the shoulder.  I'm telling you, ever since I made God my number one go-to-guy, the odds have been ever in my favor.  I am so lucky to have been supported financially, physically, and emotionally over the past year by just giving one thing a little more of my attention. 

I'm not here to preach to you or tell you that you must find God and pray or your life will be miserable.  I am here to tell you that I fully believe in MY God and what He can do for me.  I encourage you to find YOUR God if you have lost touch or not found Him at all; you may be surprised at what you find.

Mark 4:26-27, 28-29 - Faith is like a seed; plant it in your heart. God gives the harvest at the appointed time.

Reality Check

Over the past month, I have found myself constantly focusing on where I am at in life; mainly in looking at my relationship and our children.  I know the last time I wrote, I was excited because the man of the house was going to be home full time and I was excited for the change.  Obviously, since it has been about six months since I've posted, that did not happen!  Crazy how that little thing called life gets in the way, huh?

The week after Easter, I learned that a friend of mine received a terminal diagnosis for his first born little girl and that she was not expected to live very long; the doctors gave an 18 month window.  The short of it is that Avery was diagnosed with SMA at 5 months old and passed away a month later after suffering from cardiac arrest.  I followed this story from the start; via blog (you can read the full story here, Avery's Bucket List), news, Facebook updates from my friend and his friends, etc.  It was so touching to me that Mike and his wife Laura had found out their baby was going to die, and instead of wasting away in tragedy, they stood tall and gave Avery the best life she could ever have while she still had one and showed her how much they loved her.  Seeing their story made me really start to focus on on my own children and how I raise them.

Raising three kids and having a father who works late hours or out of town can be a very hard chore for a mom.  I've had a year's practice under my belt, but all my sunshine and smiles had faded away.  I'm tired.  I'm annoyed.    The house is never clean.  The laundry is never done.  I don't want to cook.  I don't want to do dishes.  I work 50 hours a week and I do not want to come home and fight three kids who had a bad day and take their frustrations out on me...or each other.  (Of course, we all do that though, don't we.  Why do we take things out on the people we love?  Ironic, isn't it?).  I was in a pretty down in the dumps spot.  It's not that I don't want the life I have, and its not that I don't love and enjoy my children; its just that everyday when I wake up, I know that I have a very long day ahead of me and the only time I will have to myself is the two minutes after I've put my head on the pillow before I fall asleep....literally, crash and burn.

This story of Avery has changed my perception on life.  Tears came to my eyes a couple weeks ago because I was driving down the road, looked out the passenger window and vaguely read "I love you mom".  Two mornings previous, I had yelled at Austyn for drawing all over the dew misted car because I can't see very well through dried dirty windows with pictures drawn all over them (shut up, I know I should wash my car more!).  He wanted me to think of him; that's all; and there I was yelling at him first thing in the morning on the way to school.  It's things like this that happen all the time in my household.  The adults are so worried about keeping the kids in check that we are sometimes taking for granted the very reasons that should be bringing smiles to our faces daily.

After following Avery's story so closely, I have learned how to become a better parent.  When my babies want to do something that is only going to happen once, I am all for it.   Who knows if they will ever be given that chance again?  When I want to crawl in a hole and hide, but they want me to play a game or read, I'll do it.  Because who knows if I will ever get that time with them again.  My kids love me and they think that I'm the sweetest and most loving (I have letters from them to prove this!), and I do not ever want them to change their perception of me.  I want to be their mom, their best friend, their adviser, their disciplinarian, the one they cry to, the one they argue with (just to see they'll lose!), and everything else that they would ever ask me to be for them.  That is why I am here, that is why I am a parent.

In closing, I want to send Mike and Laura a very blessed thank you for what you have taught me.  I don't know what it was like to be in your shoes, but I do know that you had more strength than I think I could ever have.  The love you showed for each other as well as your baby helps me to realize daily that the most important thing in life is the thing we take for granted because it is such constant in our lives. I never want to take my family for granted; I know without them I would be nothing.